I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
