Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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