ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
