Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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