i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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