just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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