They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
