I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
