we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
