He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
