I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
