I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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