after a month anything with tits is on the radar
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
