and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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