Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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