either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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