By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
