My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
