morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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