The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
