i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
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