he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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