i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
