Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
