My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
