tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
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Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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