I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
