The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
