brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage