yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.