I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
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It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
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as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂