is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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