I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
are you so shy because you have an std?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
