the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
