I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Randomize
