well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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