i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
