in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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