I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
my poor anus
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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