Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize