i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
