He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
