i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
