At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Randomize
