Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
