did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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