I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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