i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
