You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
