Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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