his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
