Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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