I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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