just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
