Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
