My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
