areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Randomize
