Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
