Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
