I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
