He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
tell me about the eggs
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
