The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
