Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
