I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
