You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
