...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.