yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
COCAINE IS GR8
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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