Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
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