Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
