You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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