Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
