your parents love me but you hate me
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
