i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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