so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
