i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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