We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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