On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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